WoW it's been awhile...

Well, I've been lazy and busy and my life has been absolutely crazy!
I finally have time to breathe.
I'm down 140 pounds since I last wrote.
So since last January I now weigh 200 pounds and still losing!
I went from a size 26 pants to a 12/14 *they don't make clothes like they used to*
From a 2x/3x top to a 14/16.
Ever notice how even though you lose weight you body image in your mind is so bad
when you're shopping you still go to a way bigger size than you actually are?
I don't like trying on clothes so I've bought a few things and had to bring them back
because once I put them on I could slide out of them without unbuttoning them.
SAD!
I'm still wearing my larger work clothes. It's too expensive to refab my closet
just yet.
I've been given a whole mess of tops from a friend who hasn't lost weight but kept
them "just in case".
I've done that with my 26's, 24's, 22's, and 20's.
I've finally decided that without the steroids or snacking I won't need them again
for a long time.
I gave away a whole mess of sweaters and jeans to a friend who is also an ungodly 6 feet tall.
So instead of Goodwill it went to the Britton household.
I love swapping clothes now, it's addictive. It's like shopping without opening my wallet,
which I must say I love!
I'm stingy, frugal, you have a word for it and that's me. I wasn't always this way.
In 97 I would only buy my shoes in Cambridge Square in Boston so not only did I have to
pay sales tax, I also bought crazy boots for 180 and thought, ah, it's only a hundred and 80 dollars.
Not anymore, that's for sure. When you marry for love it doesn't pad your bank account.
Anyway...
So hopefully life will settle down, but I don't think it will anytime soon.
They did a biopsy on my stomach tumor and it's stage 4. Lucky me.
I've done about 46 weeks of radiation and I have 2 months to go, 5 times a week.
I'm going for a consult at MGH to see if I qualify for their lazer knife radiation.
Let's prayer together that I do. It would be nice to only have to go for radiation once a week for 4 weeks instead of all the times I've gone.
It's sad when you know the janitors name because he's cleaned up your puke on numerous time.
Sad but true.
Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.

So.

It's been awhile.
I've lost 95 pounds since January but who's counting.
None of my clothes fit and I'm going to have a to spend a bundle.
I've been dealing with my cancer and working though it.
I don't always have the strength to do anything but sleep.
I might not make it back here for awhile, but know I'm still kicking.

trying to stay on my feet

I've totally given up on the gym right now. Just trying to stay on my feet is
becoming a problem. I passed out in the freezer section of Shaw's the last
weekend with 3 bags of Hoodsie cups hanging from my hands.
The dizziness is getting pretty bad lately.
Just now I'm tending to a wounded knee and hands.
I was getting the iPod out of the car to make sure it had juice for my
work out tomorrow, ya I can't see that happening now.
I fell on the brickwork on my front stoop.
My hands are smashed up, my knee looks like meat hit with a
grinder.
Life is great.

forced into wearing the mask

So I caught something and it's kicking my ass. My counts are all over the
place and I'm going for a 10 week steriod round. Luckly these shouldn't
put on anymore weight or make my 27 pound loss disappear as fast as it's
come off. I'm down 2 pants size and 1 top size. My face isn't as fat and
I'm losing the prednizone cheeks and chin. I can finally see cheek bones.
I can't wait to see my collarbone more defined. I have something about
collarbones. My white blood cell count was down so I'm fighting an
infection and they've also put me on some serious antibotics.
Thursday I was super sick and lost my voice all day. I slept the
day away in between calls from work. My body is killing me.
I can feel my abs which meant I totally strained something getting
sick so many times. I didn't work out on Wednesday and I'm going
to rest for the rest of the weekend and just relax. I have laundry thats
piling up and if only 1 King size quilt costs 14 dollars to launder I don't
think I'll be sending any of it out.

slipping

I've been taking the stairs when I can. I park far away, not just because of
my hit and run fear but also because I'm walking.
I'm dreaming of spring golf. I can't wait for the green grass and outside.
I did 20 minutes of weights today. I was drag ass and no amount of
music could pull me out of the slump.
I have a sore throat and swollen lymph nodes, probably a virus?
We'll see. I'm on an immuno so hopefully I've been careful enough
and I haven't caught anything. We'll see...

Good day

I did 30 minutes of hard cardio today. I did 20 minutes with weights.
I had a very good workout mix and timed every song just right if
I don't say so myself. I woke up at 4 and was out the door by 5.
I didn't finish working until 6 and was stuck in almost 2 hour
traffic on the way home and I was wiped but ended up playing
Rock Band for awhile and had a great time doing it.
All in all I felt good today, my blood cells are reacting well to the
medicine they put me on. My iron is finally up.

slacking

I've been remiss in my workout. Anemia kind of shut me down, mind, body & soul.
I had my monthly weigh in and I'm down 20 pounds. I'm sure the fact that I'm not on
any steroids helps the weight loss. Cancer can layer you in shame. Shame. Shame.
I'm trying not to be afraid anymore and just push myself. This week I think I pushed
too hard. I missed the whole week to sleep in and hit the snooze.
I haven't been hungry at all. I can't stomach the look of food. I'm been forcefeeding
myself which sucks because food is wonderful, food is the best thing in the world.
Works been kicking my ass too. 4 am and I'm looking at the clock right now and it's
10:00 pm and all I've done is the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, played rock band and
totally kicked ass on Metallica I had alot of fun.

Tomorrow I'm going to get in atleast 20 minutes of cardio and 20 eliptical. I have a
really good mix for the iPod so I'm getting everything ready so I can run out the door
I hope for no more snow, but we all know that's not going to happen.
Atleast I'll always have a job ;)